I've only had a little bit of
time at the computer lately, and today is a crazy busy day, but I just
HAD to make time to share this!
I saw HIM -- the
asshole sOB that lied to me and cut me unnecessarily, the jerk that
caused me to have PTSD, nightmares, anxiety, etc., etc. for the past
two years -- in the grocery store today.
first I managed to just walk by while giving him the stare of death and
made my way to the checkout lane. As I was loading my
groceries onto the conveyor belt, he walked by, smiled and nodded, and
as he was staring at my baby. Now, I knew this was just one
of those things where he was just simply smiling to make nice and he
had NO idea who I was, but I jumped on the opportunity.
and smiled back as my stomach churned. I was as sickeningly
sweet as possible when I I said hi back, so it made him think that I
was someone who he should have known. He probably saw the
fairly new baby and put that together with my hello and thought that I
was someone whom he'd butchered -- er um, delivered --
lately. So he stopped to get a closer look at the baby, again
probably thinking that he should pretend to remember or know this baby.
I said, "Oh, do you remember her?" And he kept looking at
Brayden in the carseat, starting to say, "Oh yeah, I --" and I cut him
"No, not him, HER." And I pointed
to Lydie in the back of the cart and proceeded: "This is
Lydie. You cut her out of me, saying that she was too
big. This (pointing to my little man in the carseat) is
Brayden, and he was born at home, almost a full pound bigger than
He kept his smile, but it turned from a
sincere smile to a forced smile and he said, "Oh, you're the one who
sent me letters."
I responded yes and proceeded
to ask him if he's learned any patience yet. "Well, I'm
working on it," he responded through his forced smile.
good," I said, "how about honesty?"
stare. "Well, congratulations," and he walked away as I could
tell he was clenching his teeth.
So, I'm shaking
but I feel awesome. Not only has Brayden proved to me that my
body isn't broken, but he's helped prove to me that my spirit and soul
aren't broken either. It all still sucks and hurts like hell,
everything we went through unnecessarily, but I survived and have
become a better, stronger person and mother because of it!
And, just in case you haven't had enough inspiration from the women of ICAN, take a moment to view video
online. If you ever have wondered why we're here, you'll never do so
again after watching this. Thank you, Elaine, for putting
together such a powerful stream of images.